When depression enters a relationship, it doesn’t just affect the person experiencing it—it touches both partners. Supporting a loved one through depression can be challenging, but it also offers the opportunity to strengthen understanding and deepen your connection.
Understanding Depression in Relationships
Depression is more than feeling sad. It can cause withdrawal, low motivation, irritability, and changes in sleep or appetite. Partners may feel confused, helpless, or even blamed for their loved one’s struggles.
Recognising the Signs
Look Out For:
- Persistent low mood or hopelessness
- Loss of interest in usual activities
- Fatigue, low energy, or insomnia
- Withdrawal from social contact
- Irritability or increased sensitivity
- Self-criticism or feelings of worthlessness
How to Offer Support
Do:
- Listen without judgement or trying to ‘fix’
- Offer gentle encouragement for seeking help
- Remind them depression is not their fault
- Be patient with mood changes or low motivation
- Support healthy routines (meals, sleep, activity)
- Celebrate small achievements
- Encourage professional support
Don’t:
- Take their mood personally
- Try to force positivity
- Offer unsolicited advice
- Dismiss or downplay their feelings
- Lose sight of your own needs
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with depression can feel lonely or exhausting. Ensure you:
- Set healthy boundaries
- Make time for your own interests and friendships
- Share your feelings with trusted people
- Seek counselling or support if you need it
Building Connection Together
- Talk openly about feelings when possible
- Find moments of joy in small, shared activities
- Avoid walking on eggshells—honesty builds trust
- Remember depression is an illness, not a personal failing
When to Seek Help
Encourage your partner to reach out if depression:
- Lasts more than two weeks
- Severely affects daily life or relationships
- Includes thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness
- Causes withdrawal from all support
Recommended Reading
- “Depression: The Way Out of Your Prison” by Dorothy Rowe
- “Loving Someone with Depression” by Christine F. Hunter
- “Living with a Black Dog” by Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone
Remember: You can support your partner without sacrificing your own wellbeing. Compassion, patience, and professional help can nurture both your loved one and your relationship.
